You should be happy again.

"Hey, you SMILE again too; just like you used to. You’ll smile again. You want to know how I know that? Because, every time a person adds ‘anymore’, it’s a promise they’re bound to break. Because there is too much of the world we’ve lived in for millions of years that we haven’t seen; even now. When you catch yourself thinking that you won’t smile or laugh anymore, stop right there and ask yourself this: “Is THIS worth losing my laugh over? Is THIS worth my smile?” So what if smiles are said to cost nothing, they are the most precious things we own. Don’t lose your smile over worthless things or people or situations. Best things are free in life, doesn’t mean their value has to be underestimated."

"You become STRONG again, maybe not in some ways but more in others. You might break a little on the inside after seeing somebody that you used to know so well, but you’re strong enough that you smile at them anyway. Sometimes, you feel the anxiety clawing away at your insides, and you can’t even find words to tell somebody how much pain you are in without choking on your words, but you’re strong enough to try. You take the steps forward, you hold the railing of the stairs and you start walking, you start moving. You become the support you need. Strength is not in doing things that you can do, but in trying to do things that you can’t."

Even with everything that has been going on. You deserve to be happy and smile again. Hopefully that smile I first saw when I first met you will be back. You were happy back then, I wish you were as happy as that right now. It will take time, yes. But you will defiantly smile again. And I promise I'll stay until the end. Why? Because of that smile. That genuine smile that I love. When your lil dimples comes out and your eyes gets all small and stuff. That smile, is worth dying for.

You will be fine again. I'm sure of it. And I can't wait to see it again.

I know for sure you will be.

I'm sorry, you.

I'm sorry.

I feel like I'm partly to blame for what has been going on in your life currently.
I've been thinking about our conversation last Tuesday and it really hit me like a brick today.
What if I've listened to you earlier and let everything go and just run to you? You wouldn't be where you are today. Hurt, unhappy etc.

And then I came into your life too late, which was also partly why this is happening to you today.
And now I think I'm part of the reason why you're feeling this way. So many reason why I think you'll actually be better off without me in your life. I'm really really sorry.

But, I don't want to make any of those mistakes anymore. I'm gonna love you, I'm gonna chase you till there's no hope. Why? Because My love for you has consumed everything, and I am afraid I have nothing left to give to another. I cannot even begin to think of someone else.

I'm tired of seeing you sad and unhappy. I want to erase every unhappy memory you have and just create new and happy ones with you. Ones that will stay in your life forever. And I want to be a part of this memories.

And again, I'm sorry for not confessing to you earlier. And for confessing too late also. I'm sorry for cocking up the timings. I'm sorry for, not being the best I am to you.

See you later, love.

Why?

Why am I so emotionally attached to you? Why every single little thing you do will affect me so much? Why didnt I leave earlier? Why didnt I listen? Everyday these questions pop out in my head and It's killing me. Emotionally and Physically. I've never felt this way. Why? Why am I feeling like I've been fucked over by life. Over and over again.

My best friend told me, "If you love her, you wouldnt be scared if your efforts are wasted because you love her and shouldnt expect anything back in return" I dont know, I'm not expecting anything, but its still killing me everyday. How do 1 deal with such emotions?

I've promised to go back to the old me, to the friend you can laugh everyday with. I'm trying, I've been trying not to let my emotions get the best of me. But everyday when I'm alone these questions and thoughts pop up in my head. And literally kills me.

I've been living in regret, since last month. Everyday I tell myself that if I wasnt so stupid, things would have turned out better for me. I wouldve been better. I have no one to blame but myself for being so faithful, and stupid.

Thinking of what could be, and what is actually happening sucks big time. I cry myself to sleep everyday, I get worried, paranoid. Sigh, its very painful. I can safely say that I never loved someone so hard in my life before, everybody can see that.

I'm finally pouring my heart out, pouring out my worries and paranoia. Everything hasnt been going well for me. Relationships, job, life, family. Sometimes I just question my existence.

I dont know when, this will eventually take a toll on me, and break down. Soon I guess?

You became my world. Days with you are golden. Filled with laughter and joy. Getting to see you wear that smile every single moment really makes everything worthwhile. Days without you are dark, gloomy. Patiently waiting for texts, worrying. Ahhhhhh, I cant take it sometimes.

We didn’t make it, we almost did, almost, and that’s the worst thing in life, isn’t it? To have almost been, to have almost made it.

"I never believed in myself or that I was ever enough for anyone, then she came along and built me up to be so much more than I ever was. She pushed me to the edge only to make me realise that it’s okay to fall. I had hope that we could be, that we were much bigger than the trials ahead of us."

Now, I only can hope for the best. And no matter how I feel, I still want to put your happiness in front of mine. Because seeing you get hurt would hurt more than any of this.

Feels so much better pouring everything out, hopefully things will get better in the future. Hopefully I can learn to deal with my emotions better. I wish and hope that will be the case.

J.

You, make me complete.

I remember the first time we met, 2 years ago. There you were, with your sleepy face, dr marts and a black bagpack. That's where u first caught my eye. When I saw you I told myself, "I have to know her". Back then I was in a stupid relationship Which I should have ended. Till this day I regret it so much. Because I let you slip thru my fingers.

I remember when we first talked. It was during the business sale for my course project. You came down halfway during class because you were sick of your classmates. You came, sat down and kept quiet for the first few minutes. I told myself that I should talk to you and I did, I never regretted doing so ever since. We had many things to talk about, but you were shy. I remember splashing the waters on your face just so I could see you get annoyed yet smile so happily. I'll never forget that day.

Ever since we became friends, got closer every since day. The constant tweets/Instagram messages. We talked for awhile but I didn't want to get your numbe st that time because I was afraid. I remembered one time you ended class around the same time I ended gym, we planned to go home together, I remembered runnin from my gym to Kembangan just so I could catch the train and go home with you, I Guess that was the time I unknowingly started falling for you.

Then came your first birthday we spent together, you were sad because you saw him. And also because you felt forced into the relationship u were in that time. We spend most of the time talking instead of drinking. That day I felt very close to you, you opened every emotions you currently had to me, because you trusted me. Ever since that day, the friendship isit got better.

Then came the break up. Where you finally had enough of watching me suffer over and over again that you made me choose. I'm glad I made the right choice this time but sadly, I was too late. I lost you. What could've been mine is not gone. I know that it's not 100% gone but I have to try really really hard to win you over again. And girl, I am going to try. I'm gonna give it my 100%, no, 200% and more to try and win you over again.

But I have to say, thank you. Thank for you being there for me when I needed someone the most, for the laughter and the lameness. Through thick and thin you've stuck with me and I promise that we will be together forever no matter what the future has install for us. Thank you for helping me make the right decision. For not giving up on us. And most of all, for loving and accepting me for who I am. For lowering your ego and be yourself and comfortable in front of me.

Yes, I regret losing you. I regret so much not choosing you long ago, I would have been way happier if I did, but it's too late for regrets. I only can pray for the best.

I love you, you've done so much for me in this short period of time and I'm so really grateful for having you in my life.

I love you, and I hope 1 day, I'll make you believe and love again. One day I hope that you see light in what you thought was dark, hope that love actually still exist.

I want you, and I need you. And I'll never stop loving you. Ever, Adeline Yeo.


"You’re none of them because you’re all of them. You are who I love; the girl on the pedestal, the fantasy the make-believe things that are actually true. You are what I love; the depth, the inside jokes, the best friend. You are when I love; a new history is being started with you. We are the young lovers our older selves will someday reminisce about. You are where I love: because I’d go anywhere, just to be with you. You are why I love: because before you, I didn’t truly understand what I was looking for. Now that we found each other, you’ve given my past and future meaning. You are the sixth. You are the last."